You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
