I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
