i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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