One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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