My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
