you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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