My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
