its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
