he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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