If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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