so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
