I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
