I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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