yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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