Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
