yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just found a bag of teeth...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
