my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
