thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
