John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I didn't notice because vodka
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
