its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
