my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
