A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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