I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
