Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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