I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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