I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Vodka?
Forever.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
