Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
