There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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