I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
