They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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