i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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