Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
