That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
