I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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