I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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