I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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