I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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