my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
