thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
