Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
