I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
