using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
