He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
