You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
