Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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