u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
