I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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