im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
