I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
