He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize