i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
