The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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