I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Shame - the story of my life.
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