i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
