I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
