Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
