you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
