Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
