plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
