So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
