You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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