I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
