kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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