What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Life is so much better after having sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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