3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
