this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
