This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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