You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
