After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
